Broken-Ships

I read a meme one day that said, “Pick someone and pray for their happiness for 30 days without telling them.” I thought that was one of the best things I had ever read. So, I did just that. Out of all the people in the world, I picked my friend of 21 years, the GOD-mother of my child, the person whom I referred to as “my walking diary.” I knew that if anyone on this earth deserved to be happy it was her. Every night before bed when I’d get on my knees, I’d first make sure that my heart and my feelings were on the same accord. I wanted no distractions, I wanted GOD to know that I meant it, I wanted him to not only hear my prayers but feel that I desired her happiness. At, the end of the 30 days, she and I no longer had a friendship anymore.

For the last 3 months I had waited for the rekindle. I had waited for the returned phone call, I waited for the return of a text message and I got nothing. Eventually, around mothers day I decided to reach out, (our daughters birthdays are 2 weeks apart and for 11 years we have always celebrated together) in all honesty I missed her. I missed the phone calls, I missed hearing her daughter call me Aunty, I missed having my diary, more importantly I missed her. After a few attempts of sending pictures and putting the effort in, and her response had not reciprocated the same energy. I knew that my efforts were in vain. She did not feel the same way. In fact, she was happier without me.

Our friendship to me was more like sisters, instead of friends. I assumed that we’d get over whatever it was. I assumed that she needed to hear from me, from my girls, the same way I needed to hear from her. But, she didn’t. I assumed we’d talk it over, work it out and pick up where we left off; you know what they say about assumptions. In fact, it appeared as if me reaching out was the worst thing I could have done, as if I interrupted her happiness.

People talk a lot about broken hearts from lovers or family members but, no one ever talks about friends. At 4 am while I lay in bed, secretly soaking the pillow with my tears, this hurt feels the same; it reminds me of a broken-heart, another broken relationship, more brokenness. Yet, I still love her. I’m still wishing that she calls, still wishing to hear her say, “India, can we pray?” I miss her in so many ways but, I know this is our end, I know this is our good-bye.

If I could leave you with something, my readers its this. It doesn’t matter how long a person has been in your life, what they’ve done to you and for you and what you’ve done in return. When its over you take a bow and from the deepest sincerest parts of your heart wish them well. Remember, when the -ship begins to sink, you don’t have to go down with it, bring your life vest you’ll sail again one day. What you lose is not a lost, its just GODs way of preparing you for something that fits perfectly for you.